Your comments, your emails…oh my God. Thank you. I am so grateful to know you in some way–just to have you in my life. Every day, I’m reminded of how lucky I am to have this space of my own to share my life, but truly, none of it would mean anything without you. Not one single thing.
Thank you for accepting me as I am. Let’s always keep it real.
I do love you, even if it’s weird,
p.s. This is how amazing Mom is: The morning after I published the post, I was nervous to call her at work, knowing she’d have read it by then. I’ve talked to her millions of times about exactly the kinds of things I wrote about (nothing is left unspoken between us), but still, I found no easy way to share something like that without wondering if it was coming across in some way like a blame game. I feared that she’d feel attacked, misrepresented.
I dialed the number. It rang; it rang. “Francie?”
“That was a really beautiful post.”
“…Are you upset?”
“No,” she said, her voice soft and warm. “Of course not. I was sad. I was reading about my baby.”
I sighed, relieved, and yet, I was stunned at her grace. I explained more of what I meant to say–more of what I might not have expressed clearly in writing, and told her, “It’s just–nothing was meant to come out as your fault. I know that you love my writing, I–”
She cut me off. “It was honest. All you can do is tell the truth. I hope the book is just as honest.”
What an incredible testament to our relationship that she wants me say all that I need to say, independently of her feelings. This is why I love my mother. This is a woman who, despite any hurt she might feel at reading the candor of that post, is willing to shove it all aside so that her daughter can air the depths of her own vulnerability.
Later that night, we had a good, long conversation, just as we’ve had so, so many (too many?) times before, where she tried to explain why she pushes me the way she does. She’s thinking about writing her own short piece (maybe we’ll publish it with her weekly weigh-in), and I completely support that. I actually think it’ll be great, because she’s a vital part of my life, and now this blog, and her voice should be heard.