The past few months, since Daniel and I moved to Massachusetts, have been a whirlwind. We bought a house (zoo?), I’m working on the beginnings of a new book, trying to keep up my blogging, and also planning a wedding. It’s an exciting year, but it’s also incredibly stressful. And most of you know my favorite way to deal with stress. Daniel and I didn’t have our cookware and plates when we moved in and we fell into the take-out trap.
It was just easier to eat pizza with our paint-stained hands while waiting for the last coat to dry. Days went by and we just got into the routine of eating fast casual food or take-out. Before we realized it, it had been a month and we had each gained a little weight. Normally this wouldn’t be that big of a deal but now I had the additional stress of an approaching work event and shortly after that my bridal shower was scheduled. You would think that this pressure would have helped to force me to get back on the healthy track, but the further off the track I went, the less I was able to turn it around.
As much as I understand triggers and have the ability to write endlessly about coping strategies and mindfulness, the truth is, when things really start to become difficult, I eat. I eat less than I used to and make slightly better choices, but I still sometimes can’t stop myself from the one thing that has always soothed me. It’s something hardwired into me and something I will always be actively trying to manage. This isn’t going to be another post about advice or tips or strategies to avoid binge eating. It’s about how to think about the rest of your life when you…can’t.
If you are someone who struggles with moderation, there will be times when you are a little heavier and times when you are a little lighter. It can be easy to let the number on the scale dictate how much we can enjoy our life. We think that our reunion will be so much better if we could just squeeze into that size 6. Or we will be able to make lasting memories on our vacation as long as we can wear a bikini. But the weight doesn’t have to stop you from having meaningful experiences. You can still have fun and get the most out of life when you aren’t at your ideal weight. We have to stop putting our lives on hold.
I could have white knuckled it when I was feeling the urge to loosen the reigns. I would have been able to fit into a smaller dress for my shower this weekend. But then, I would have missed out on the memory of eating Chinese food right out of the carton on the floor with Daniel on the first night in our new house. I wouldn’t have discovered a new local dessert shop that makes cookie whoopie pies that are among the best things I have ever tasted. And having those experiences doesn’t mean I have ruined all the possible enjoyment from my life for the next few months. As self conscious as I am and as anxious as I am that I’m not going to be as thin as I had always imagined for my wedding, I’m going to put on a dress that fits and have a blast at my bridal shower next weekend.
How have you been doing?