If you had talked to me two weeks or so ago, I would have told you that this has been my favorite trimester of pregnancy by far. I felt good physically and emotionally; it was fun to feel pregnant pregnant—big belly, slight waddle, and all, and my due date seemed to be right around the corner! Having a baby boy was so real in the best way. Daniel and I started making a concerted effort to do all of our favorite things as often as possible.
We went to see a dozen movies in the theater, slept in, went out for brunches, lunches, and dinners, and then…
Then I reached 38 weeks, and the discomfort hit me like a ton of bricks. My back throbbed constantly, my feet swelled and ached (even first thing in the morning), and my pelvis felt sore and heavy. All throughout my third trimester, I’d experienced painful round ligament pain, but whereas before I was able to tolerate it, now those stabbing zings would stop me in my tracks, take my breath away. I began to feel the infamous zaps of lightning crotch and the crazy cramping sensation of baby kicking me in the ribs. I started having to pee even more frequently and urgently, which would have seemed absolutely impossible to me before, but here I am, running to the bathroom every five minutes—sometimes leaving the bathroom only to run back in.
The other challenge of these final weeks is that I’ve finally come to understand the women who talk about feeling moody and all over the place emotionally during pregnancy. In the past two or three weeks, I’ve had many moments where I’m just terribly upset over nothing and everything all at once. I’ve felt inexplicably grumpy, weepy, and full of anxiety—just out of the blue. And while in the moment I may be able to rattle off a list of things that are making me anxious and upset, I also realize that they aren’t typically the types of things that would make me break down crying. Case in point: I’ve had this insane panicky feeling for the past few weeks about how frequently I should be cleaning my house because we’ll never be able to know exactly WHEN the baby will arrive. Suffice it to say, the house is spotless (I’m talking windows have been washed, baseboards scrubbed, garage swept, car detailed…). These emotional swings make me all the more grateful for Daniel, who is as patient as they come. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been an absolute nightmare and he has responded with nothing but love and understanding, saying, “I’m so sorry that you have to feel all of this.”
And yet, all the discomfort is so small and insignificant compared to the wild, overwhelming, all-encompassing love I’ve begun to feel for my baby boy. Every night for the past few months, I go into his room, sit in the glider, and rock, just the two of us. I sing to him. I tell him I love him a million times. I tell him how much I adore and cherish his dad, tell him what an amazing man he his, and how he made my whole life complete, all the while knowing I won’t have to convince him of how great his dad is—he’ll find out on his own soon enough. I’ve loved my baby boy since the first positive pregnancy test, but this current sensation of love is so much bigger and more intense than it was before. I think about my son and I’m instantly overcome. I can’t wait to meet him. I can’t wait to hug him, kiss him, and make him feel so secure and cherished.
From our first appointment at 6 weeks to now (40 weeks), I’ve gained 50 pounds. Honestly, I’ve shocked even myself at how completely at peace I am with this number. It’ll come off eventually (or maybe it won’t! ha!) but either way, my body has grown a healthy baby boy and the journey was undoubtedly worth every pound.
Cravings: blueberry pancakes, Indian food, eggplant, burgers
My Baby Shower
Back in June, my mom threw me an absolutely adorable animal-themed baby shower brunch. Every last detail—from the place settings to the cake—was perfect, and the whole day made Daniel and me feel so loved and cared for by our family and friends. This little boy is so lucky already!
As of today (September 4, 2018), I’m 40 weeks and 3 days pregnant! He should be here any day now :)