Arriving at the Due Date of My Miscarried Baby

8 weeks pregnant

Tomorrow would have been our second baby’s due date. And of course, no bags are packed. The nursery isn’t set up. No plans were made. I miscarried in October and no baby will be born this spring. It’s strange and bittersweet to arrive at May 13th and remember the hope I had last fall and then how immediately we lost it. It was one of the hardest times of my life, physically and emotionally. I was so fortunate to get pregnant again and that helped me heal. I started looking towards the future instead of dwelling on the past and what I wished had been. But today I couldn’t help but think of the baby I will never meet.

11 weeks pregnant

By the time the due date comes for a miscarried pregnancy, most people have probably moved on. As supportive as family and friends are in difficult times, we can’t expect people to grieve our losses for as long as we carry them. So I can imagine this is probably a really difficult time for most women. In my case, I feel so lucky that I was able to get pregnant again and everything has been going well this time around. I still grieve the baby I lost and I want to make sure I never forget him.

I am looking forward to the future, but at the same time it makes me a little sad. I’m so, so thankful that this pregnancy is going well and my baby appears to be healthy. But I know once this new baby comes in September, the memory of the baby we lost will fade. After having James, I know all children have their unique personalities for their parents to discover and enjoy. We will never know what he looked like when he smiled or the sound of his laugh. I’m sad he wasn’t healthy enough to grow older and experience the love that was waiting for him.

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13 thoughts on “Arriving at the Due Date of My Miscarried Baby

  1. Amica

    Thank you for sharing this! Our due date would have been the 11/05, and the week leading up to this date, I just felt sad for everything that could have been and the baby we never got to meet. Monday felt especially hard, as we are still waiting and praying every day for our miracle baby… but not losing hope. It’s wonderful to follow along your journey and wish you all the happiness with your rainbow baby.

    Reply
  2. Jill

    Oh but if you are a believer, you will be reunited again in heaven. ❤️ Blessings on your pregnancy.

    Reply
  3. Mary O'Mara

    Andie, That is so beautifully written. I can only imagine the heartbreak involved with losing a baby. I’m thrilled that you’re expecting again and the joy you will find in this new birth.We have three kiddos, all in their mid twenties to thirty, and we have them all home (during the pandemic) now, including a boyfriend, and I can tell you, in the big pic, life gets even SO much better! Although I miss the baby and toddler age!! Life is great in all its stages, but when I look at you and James, it all comes rushing back to me and I get overwhelmed with longing and terrible amounts of love! To me, there is nothing as monumental as the early days of motherhood. The love and connection you share as you watch your child engage, learn, and become a small person is like nothing else! Enjoy all your moments-It seems like you do. And love from one mother to another xox

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  4. Lisa Rakestraw Amstutz

    Oh, Andie…I know this loss. I have lost 5 babies, 4 of them between my last two children, the last pregnancy lost were twin girls. I have found that these sweet babies are never far from my thoughts at various times of the year. I have given them names, and that has helped the most with life after their losses. I believe their great-grandmothers are holding them until I see them again someday. I hope today you find many reasons to smile but give yourself space to remember the little one you lost. Your rainbow baby coming in September will be even more precious – I know my rainbow baby is for me. I look at him sometimes and remember all the pain and sacrifice that preceded him and I’m in awe because I can’t imagine my life without him in it. You have overcome so much adversity in your life and it is inspiring. Thank you for being real and vulnerable in your sharing what life has brought your way. Take care.

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  5. lisa

    Andie: Hugs and Love sent to you and Daniel & James. I really miss HUGGING these days! Thank you for acknowledging, and sharing your heart. What is meant to be will be. James is healthy… your baby is growing. Life gives .. and sometimes it takes. What I know for sure…. It’s OK to Grieve..and mourn the loss of your unborn child. I admire that you openly share about it here. I think we grow and learn so much by our painful experiences. It expands our capacity to feel and love. There will always be a place for you to love that baby and that is what us Mommies do. Love, sacrifice, protect, nuture…anything for our children. Please stay healthy and well. Give your boy James a hug from Aunt Leelee! I actually think we will NOT get anymore snow! Good Heavens, enjoy the moments we have today. Much Love xxx

    Leelee

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  6. Betsy

    Hi Andie, I lost a baby at Christmas to ectopic pregnancy. I have days where I think “I should be x months pregnant by now,” and it’s very painful. We are trying to conceive again but no luck so far. Best wishes for the rest of your pregnancy! Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this difficult topic.

    Reply
  7. Carrie

    I lost a baby 15 years ago, and quickly got pregnant again with my daughter who is now in high school. She and I talk about that lost baby sometimes, how heartbreaking it was, but how it meant that I got to meet my daughter instead, and how I wouldn’t trade that away ever. So while I know you think the memory of the baby you lost will fade, I have found that it doesn’t, and that it turns instead into an important part of the woven story of your family. One that can serve to remind you all to be thankful for each other and for the way it turned out. Sending you all my best as you navigate this very hard in between time, when you can feel acutely what you have lost and haven’t yet met what you will gain.

    Reply
  8. Christine C

    This is so true. March 21 would have been my due date and I felt so alone in my grief on that day, not even my husband remembered the specific day. But exactly one month after that year anniversary I was blessed enough to have my rainbow baby and now am holding my 3 week old son. So glad your rainbow is coming soon, I love following your story.

    Reply

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